Lost Something

The past three months have mostly been a blur. We've been busy with our yearly convention schedule, which I decided needed more stress this year than ever before and volunteered for some things that I should have known were too much for me to do. And I've been kind of sick for all that time as well - just incredibly tired and unable to concentrate on anything, not feeling like doing much at all except for the things that I absolutely have to do. And I feel like I've really lost something with A-chan.

We don't play anymore. Not like we used to, not really much at all. When I have the energy to do anything it's usually spent cleaning or cooking or working on projects that need to get done before our vacation. I think it just hit me today how much things are different right now from a few months ago. I used to get down on the floor and play with cars & trucks, build towers, play trains on her train set, dance with her - all these great things that I don't do now. We're not as close as we used to be. And I've noticed some behaviour patterns that are new and mainly used for getting our attention.

But the next two days should start to change it all back in the right direction again! I'm finally getting the medical care that should help me to start feeling much better, have more energy and not be sick all the time. I'm looking forward to that end result very much and it makes the whole thing a little less scary. (It's nothing that big or bad, just something I'm pathetically terrified of that's all) I miss spending time playing with A-chan. Looking around at all the toys we used to play with together that haven't seen any use at all in the last three months makes me feel horribly guilty. I hope that I will start really feeling better soon, and will try my best to make up for it!

So here is my promise: To spend more time with A-chan doing all kinds of fun stuff like playing trains and dancing and playing soccerball and playing the harp and just everything!!